....annnnnnd I'm back! 6 years later. I ran into this old blog purely by accident via an old bookmark. I read my original "Fresh Start" post and though, "hey, this is *OK*". At least its a good follow up from my state of mind at that time. At that time I had just been on the tail end of a tumultuous relationship. In 2007, after several years of sobriety, I decided to make myself available again to all those lucky ladies out there (rolls eyes). I lost a shit-ton of weight, bought new clothes and joined Match.com. After a few duds, I hooked up with a very engaging Portuguese woman from the Azores. We hit it off quite well for the first month and a half but not long after Xmas I started noticing some cracks in the relationship. Long story short, we broke up in April of 2008 and it devastated me. At that time I had started sneaking out to the local "bad" part of town and started copping a lil rock cocaine. A disintegrating relationship + coke = bound to fail. Since then Ive just been kicking about, going back to messing with Heroin (though I stopped the coke....yay me). As I type I've managed to stay away from Mr. Brownstone for almost a week now. I turned 55 a few days ago. At this point I need to face a few hard realities. I *probably* have 10, MAYBE 15 years of livable life left. I doubt my business is going to explode into something meaningful within that time. I doubt that Ill be removing myself from methadone treatment. Theres no point in suffering what will probably a year of withdrawal just to say Im "clean". My dream of buying an RV and circumnavigating the country's coast will most likely never come to be. At this point I feel like Im serving time. What I'm hoping for is a miracle. So ......this blog, lol. I'll try to keep it up if only to document the last part of my life for anyone who cares to read a cautionary tale. Perhaps more. I don't hate life. I don't hate people. Im just a guy who made and continues to make bad decisions. I truly respect how lucky I am to have even been raised to consciousness. I just wish I could keep that thought in mind when Im fucking up. 11/17/2015 -TJ Landry